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I have a job! It's a temporary job, and it's 4 days a week but it's really interesting and so much less stressful than my old job. I'm working for this charity, as a kind of historical researcher, or something. I don't have an actual job title; I'm reading, cataloguing and organising their archives, which go back to the 1880s. And are also BATSHIT INSANE. It's awesome!

My favourite thing I read today was an article from the late 1890s about concerns about increased drug use. And not even illicit drugs! Things like Epsom salts, table salt, earth and clay. You think we've got problems now, the Victorians were apparently getting high on CLAY. And EARTH. (And from the context I'm fairly sure it's not an euphemism/Victorian street name.)

Other than that, my only other news is that tomorrow I have to go back to the community psychiatric nurse who is ALSO batshit insane. I have to see her first to get referred to other services. I'm hoping to get into some cognitive behaviour therapy so I can learn to be less anxious and obsessive and maybe be able to do things like use a phone without panicking. Alas, last time I saw the nurse she kept INSISTING on calling me Elizabeth, even after I'd corrected her, she started muttering under her breath when I said I had no religion and hadn't been raised in one and ended up printing off a diet plan, which wasn't actually an NHS treatment, but was allegedly endorsed by them. Unfortunately I already eat large amounts of spinach and walnuts of a week and remain anxious so it wasn't overly helpful. And I've read lots of convincing studies that suggest there isn't actually a relationship between omega-3 in your diet and a better mental state so I might pull that one out tomorrow. If I feel confident enough. Instead of continuing to deal with her last time, I chose to fuck off to Venezuela so we'll see what fun times ensue tomorrow!
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Hilarious* Election Stories!

*Probably not actually hilarious to anyone but me.

1) Sign wars! There's a main road running through my constituency, and the sign wars started out with a row of small yellow Lib Dem logo diamonds on wooden posts in the gardens of the houses as you come out of town. (Also hilarious because this row of houses is opposite where the former Tory MP lives. I find him distasteful for reasons related to a one-sided feud I am having with him so the idea of him shaking his fist in impotent rage makes me happy. I am a terrible person for this display of schadenfreude on my part and yet - I am comfortable with this.) But the signs? All knocked down by an unknown assailant or assailants! How sad it was to see these poor yellow diamonds knocked askew, flailing weakly on the pavement.

But then! Next door to these now-vanquished signs... Flags appear, raised proudly above a very tall hedge! Blue flags. Blue flags with a face on. The face of the Tory challenger, smiling down benevolently on pedestrians! You can't knock these down without actually trespassing on our property at an increased risk of being caught, they implied. Tacitly. In my mind. Furthermore, you know where the Tories stand on homeowners defending their land. With a can of baked beans. Such as I might have. Right here in my hand. And you are well-hidden from public view by this really quite ridiculously large hedge. (This all still only in my head.)

It gets even more exciting! Walking home today: fluorescent orange Lib Dem signs. Rectangles, this time. Four times the original size. Five of them. Unmissable. On three legs each. Some of them with extra reinforcement.

Your move, Tory house!

2) BNP accidentally endorse the Lib Dems news!

So apparently, the BNP have decided to stand here. As is their (far, far) right. Alas, they have not ventured out to canvas. Instead we got a leaflet - on one side was our local candidate (red-faced) and a British flag (he should go with a more muted palette). On the other was Nick Griffin photoshopped next to Winston Churchill. (Churchill looking on in disgust. Griffin oblivious.) My favourite bit was the line that stated that voting for Labour, the Conservatives, UKIP or Green meant keeping our brave British lads in Afghanistan.

And I willfully misinterpreted this to mean that even the far right want to vote for the Lib Dems, really.

Yes - this IS how I choose to start writing again after not posting for ten months. Hello.
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Hey guys, so I was in New York and we went to see Hair and we somehow ended up on the fifth row and on the third row was someone very exciting except I didn't know who it was. I sort of recognised them but MORE I recognised the five secret service guys they had with them. So it was sort of glaringly obvious they were someone important and being Englishmen in New York (HA) my friend and I were the only people who didn't realise who she was. But it tickled me that she had the best view for when they all get completely naked at the end of the first act (because I'm actually nine years old and NAKED PEOPLE AMUSE ME). (Dudes, they were naked and singing. Best night ever.) Anyway, it was Nancy Pelosi. This is exciting! IT IS EXCITING. It's in caps so it must be a fact. Nancy Pelosi and me, hanging out on Broadway!*

*Is what this story will become after I've told it ten times, exaggerating 12% more each time.
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ARE YOU Australian?
ARE YOU a female?
DO YOU know a man?
DO YOU drive in a car on occasion?
WITH the man?
DO YOU own a mobile phone?
DO YOU drive in the car with the man with the phone in your pocket?
IS YOUR phone bill higher than seems necessary?

IF YES, I think you're calling me in the middle of the night! And getting my voicemail and so leaving really long voicemail messages which must be very expensive! And because it's an international call going to my voicemail, my phone doesn't tell me who you are! So I thought this was probably the easiest way to say, maybe you, Mystery Australian Caller, should rename me as BanAnna or Canna or Danna or something so you call someone cheaper when your phone plays "call a random". PS. This isn't bothering me or anything so if you already know about this and it isn't actually expensive don't worry but I feel guilty by association when I wake up in the morning and listen to a ten minute voicemail, especially since I just got back from using my phone overseas and that shit was expensive. And I figured it must be one of you guys! End of probably useless public service announcement. Thank you, thank you.
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Well now, it's been three weeks since I last updated. I fail at lj. So anyway, here is the news.

This year, in health, I have decided on the theme of "middle aged man." Last year I went with "Victorian street urchin" and got croup and knocked myself out with coughing up my lungs for three months. This year: sciatica! Seriously now! My dad had that ten years ago! (It came on when he was picking me up from my cello lesson, for those interested in the past minutiae of my relatives' lives.)

So I was knocked out with co-codamol and diclofenac for a week, which was nice. Also nice: one or more of those things made me throw up in the morning. I had to go to work late because every morning I'd get up, take my tablets and have to lie down in a darkened room. I also lost the ability to think or be awake for more than 12 hours a day.

In other exciting news, my dad threw out the washing powder scoop and we had to use a shot glass instead.

I have been promised snow tonight. Blizzards of it, and temperatures of -10! (Erm, I've also just remembered I've left my window open so I hope it's not actually -10.) Thus far there is a flurry. A FLURRY. THAT'S NOT EVEN A SMATTERING. I have purchased leg warmers especially! (They were only £3.99 from H&M and actually rather brilliant although I will be wearing them only UNDER my jeans.)

Most bizarre thing I've seen lately (ie. right now): a montage of last year's Superbowl highlights played over soundbites of Obama's inauguration speech. The Steelers are his team apparently! And as such, this is an immensely historical moment, I guess? The Cardinals are also saying YES WE CAN? (I'm not being sarcastic, this is actually being said in all seriousness.) (Twits.) (BBC, what's happened?!)

Finally, I have discovered peanut butter m&ms (they don't exist here!) annnnd I am trying to detox off effexor. Again. It's going better than last time! I only feel vaguely ill! Hurrah!
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Saying that someone is crestfallen immediately makes me feel sorry for them. As in, Burris left the capital building after being barred from the swearing-in ceremony. He appeared crestfallen, a marked departure from the defiant posture he has struck since Rod Blagojevich announced the pick last week. Same applies to dejected and forlorn.

(I've not quite worked out what the problem with Burris is, aside from being associated with Blagojevich, who hasn't been found guilty of anything just yet. Whole thing makes my head hurt.) (However, it's preferable to thinking about Cameron, Brown et al.)
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1. It SNOWED last night! I think I'm some kind of freak, it's supposed to be -6 tonight and I LOVE IT. I went marching around for an hour on Sunday afternoon. I've become kind of obsessive about googling the temperature.

2. However my feet are perpetually cold.

3. The only other thing that has happened is having to go on an epic search for moisturiser today. Which is so boring that I'm only going to say, 5 shops, 45 minutes, victory is mine. However, I had to add something else to avoid talking solely about the weather.

Oh, but I can also add this is the sweetest thing I've read all year (heh). I want to elope by train to Africa, wearing my swimming stuff. Best idea I've heard in a long time!
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Exciting things happening!

I actually have stuff happening this year! This is novel. And so, a list.

29th December: Hamlet at The Globe Novello (brain fail!) with _fairiequeen. THIS HAS HAPPENED ALREADY AND IT WAS AWESOME.

3rd January: New Doctor Who is revealed to all and I get ridiculously excited, and possibly overwraught.

22nd January: Mark Watson! I saw him in Edinburgh and nearly died laughing.

February 13th-14th: I am a bridesmaid at Kate's wedding which is simultaneously exciting and petrifying for me. (Moreso for her, I should think!)

25th February: EMMY THE MOTHERFUCKING GREAT. Glee Club. I may topple over with joy!

11th-16th March: I will be in New York. I WILL BE IN NEW YORK. Heck yes.

Plans for this year:

become less lactose intolerant. Or, work out which foods have lactose in them because it seems to be more than the obvious. (Although, I've now worked out that cheesecake has cheese in it, so go me.)
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Also, hi! I haven't posted for four months and ten days, apparently. I fail at livejournal. Happy new year! Maybe I will try posting at least monthly next year? (I will most likely fail in January. Nevermind!)